you can, i can, we can.

i used to blame everyone around me for every bad things happened. by everyone i meant everyone i could see wrong at that time. during school days, i complained to mak about everything i hated about the place. of the filing system, every space yada yada yada. not to forget, i blamed the teachers when i didn't understand a thing they teach. i'd say that they didn't teach properly. but then i learned that mak is the last person i'm gonna complain or tell everything. she'd put the blame back at me and i, for one, do hate that.

then the time comes when i started my ignoring phase. probably some sort of rebellion stuff. the i-just-don't-care-you-do-anything-you-wanna-do-cause-you-suck. this was probably the stepping stone of what i had become today. plus, the movies and series i've watched :3

i had to gather a lot of gut to post this up cause you know, these things taught me to lower down my ego.

i mean, i can blame teachers for not teaching properly, school for being the place i hate, society for setting such high expectancy level of clever kids, friends and whatnots.
then i realised, i didn't do much to turn things around, surely if the teacher gave his/her best in teaching and they use great teaching method, i'd understand what he/she was trying to teach me. but what about my own effort in trying to understand the thing that he/she taught?

well it hit me that i was actually being ego. it was pretty late though. i've already entered college by the time i realised it. but well, what does late even mean? ;)

oh yeah. ignoring do play a big part. enough amount of ignorance is good. i mean, i've ignored the fact that being an intelligent student or someone who can score scholarship is not the main point. thing is, i should be learning. by learning i mean that i should learn by heart, know the stuff, understand it and feel it. yerp, feel. the feeling comes much much later. scoring the scholarship is the plus point. i didn't scored any and i'm still alive up until today. Alhamdulillah. it's not about what the teacher's, society's, friend's or any other people who coexist in your life expected. it is what i expected from myself.

then religion will set the limit. like you can ignore people around you but not totally. being aware that you're in the wrong path is better than believing that you're doing it right.

and positive, that's my driver. if i'd been sucking up to negativity attributes, surely i'd hate myself right now.